Friday, July 31, 2015

The Pneumonia Experience

Of course the question is why? Clearly I must be doing something wrong, in terms of how I'm approaching life, as I seem to find myself in situations where I am questioning my purpose and wondering what the wildgoathair I am supposed to be doing. Twice in about five years now, I've had plenty of time to think about these things. The first was the heart drama, when I died twice and wasn't really supposed to recover, but did so. And then at the beginning of the summer, the pneumonia. Never ever been that sick before. Oh MY. There was a point in the early days when I questioned if I had the strength to even try to get better. Coughed so much. Coughed so hard I feared I would bust a blood vessel. Felt AWFUL. Get your pneumonia shot if you are eligible. OH my goodness.

So I come back to the original question that haunts me during these times. It seems almost that I am clearly not picking up on any signals that God/Holy Spirit/ might be sending me and so then I find myself in a position where I might be able to listen better. (As when I'm sick in bed and too sick to read, watch television, focus on much of anything). I wish the signals were a bit clearer.

Only thing I hear from people is to take better care of myself. People do say that pretty frequently. I truly think most of us could benefit from that, although some do seem to make an impressive career of self-care.

Hmm. Do we ever really know our purpose? Do we stumble upon it quite by accident? Are there people who know from the age of five just exactly what they are meant to do? Are there others who reach the end of life and are still clueless? I am/will be probably in that category unless I get some clear indication soon.


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